ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being Happy... Being Happy� I really meant to update my journal last Friday� and, now that it�s Sunday, I really wish I had so that I wouldn�t have two entirely separate (though tangentially related) entries floating around in my head� there just isn�t that much free RAM left in the old brain, you know? Anyway, and in no particular order� To whoever sent me the �Happy Curse� last week: thanks for thinking of me� I never figured out who it was because I _hate_ getting spam (this didn�t really count since it was deliberately sent by someone, though anonymously, to me) and I didn�t want to sign up for the service� still, it was sort of nice to find a pleasant surprise in the inbox� I hope I haven�t given the wrong impression. I haven�t been especially blue recently. I think I�d describe it as pensive� just a lot of in-depth soul searching� looking back (and forward) at my life and trying to figure out how much I like what I see� and (more importantly) what to do about those parts that I don�t� It is not surprising to me (and I hope that it isn�t to anyone else) that � although I really am genuinely pleased with the sum total � there are a few minuses in the �pros and cons� that make up the person that I am, and I sometimes concentrate on the negatives (no pun intended) for awhile so that I can get a better handle on them� it�s just how I process information� methodically, sometimes excruciatingly slowly� but, once done, with a high degree of confidence in my being right� some people like it, some hate it� I just accept it because it seems to keep me out of more trouble than it seems to get me into (except, perhaps, for the boy-girl thing � but that�s not the point here). When I look at the different areas of my life (Dr. Covey lists four � physical, spiritual, social/emotional, and mental � but, on the basis of some hard experience, I add financial), I generally conclude that I am in about as good as shape in all of these as I either ever have been, or have been in a very long time� And, don�t think I�ve flipped, I also think that my decision to come to New York has been a big part of that� yep, I�m pretty darn happy� there�s only one thing I�d change, and I�m doing all that I can to (intelligently) change it� the rest will just have to happen when it happens� The downside (such as it is) is that I sometimes think that � for being in as good as shape as I just said I was in � the truth of the matter is that I was just about in this same place when I was 25. The fifteen years since then have seen significant ups and down in all the various areas, but probably on the whole still averaged a lot lower than where I am now. For example, during the period 1996-1998 I lost almost a quarter of a million dollars� everything I owned (and a little)... well, I didn�t actually �lose� it in the sense that I misplaced it� I know _exactly_ where it went� but the final events that led to this loss weren�t in my control and there wasn�t anything I could do about it once the ball started rolling. I'm not in a position to lose that much money again (which, if you think about it, is both good and bad)... but I also have a lot more stability in my life, which makes me about as sure as one can be that I'm not at risk for any more such "surprises." Looking back, I can tell you that I�m better off than most because I once had that much money to lose� and that, now that I�ve made my way across the �difficulties,� I�m better off for having had the experience (though I wouldn�t wish that particular lesson on anyone else)� That�s my life� a lot of good things to be thankful for (and I truly am)� and some lessons I�ve had to learn (am learning) that makes me appreciate those blessings even more� So� regardless of how it might otherwise sound, the musings of my journal are simply the mental process I put myself though to make sure that I�ve thought the events of my life through� to make sure that, to the extent that my actions influence the outcome, that I�ve done my part to be ready for what the fates have to bring� - 2002-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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