ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pick �em Up & Lay �em Down Pick �em Up & Lay �em Down You might think this little rant is about sex, but it isn�t. It�s about how sex and friendship don�t always mix� and some of my own views about how (some of) our perspectives on the subject change over time� and experience� Sex� As a general rule I like sex as much as the next guy� in fact, it was my mother who once told me that �The worst sex you�ll ever have won�t be too bad.� (my mom is _so_ cool). But� and this is important� �not too bad� is a long, long way from being any shade of �good.� Why am I on this? Well, there was this woman I met at school� We were practically inseparable in school... and out... Many (most) people thought we were dating � we weren�t. We often accompanied each other to various school/firm formal/recruiting functions � each other�s �throw down� dates � because (even when we may have been seeing other people at the time) we both trusted each other to be pretty good company, to be reasonably engaging with our friends and co-workers, and (most importantly) not to publicly embarrass the other. We spent many, many nights (more than I care to count) closing down the local watering hole (Kenneally�s Irish Pub � woo hoo!). We even spent a long weekend out of town together to attend a friend�s wedding. Even when I moved out of state we constantly called each other at all hours of the day or night� and � in all that time � we never (ever.. not once) so much as held hands with each other� Now, don�t get me wrong� she was (is) -- in my opinion � very attractive and had (has) a _great_ body� but we were friends� and only friends� dating each other just never came up� Then (and you had to know this was coming), she came to see me (in case you were wondering, this was a while back -- I just happened to think about it again today)� I have no idea _why_ it was any different than any other time we�d spent together� it just was� (looking back, I still feel like there was a memo I didn�t get)� The sex was� okay� I�m not sure how she felt about it, but I sort of decided that whatever she may have lacked in sincerity she more than made up for in enthusiasm� it was a heck of a workout� but that�s not the point� The point is that it totally messed up one of the best friendships I�ve ever had in my life� I mean, where do you go from there? Neither of us really wanted to repeat the experience� but we couldn�t exactly pretend it didn�t happen� because it did� and it came between us. I mean damn! If you can�t have good, clean �recreational� sex with someone you really enjoy spending time with, then what the heck is left? Sex with someone you can�t stand? Hell, if I wanted to do that I�d get married again! (I�m kidding � I just couldn�t resist the Sam Kinneson imitation). Maybe I�m wired a bit differently than most (though I don�t think so)� but don�t you think that � after a certain point in our maturation process (with exceptions for occasional intoxication) � you should (at least a little bit) �like� the person you�re sleeping with? Does it make the sex any better (or worse) if you don�t? If all you really want is to get laid (which is understandable), should you have a regular �bed buddy�? � or would that only lead to complications later? Is there really such a thing as someone you can�t stand being with most of the time � but with whom you can have mind-altering sex? Then aging, if mind-altering sex is important to you, wouldn�t that offset some of the qualities you didn�t like about your �bed buddy�? My ex-wife and I �dated� after our divorce for pretty much this very reason� we both wanted easy sex that was worth getting undressed for (and it was)� and I�ll be damned if we didn�t end up getting married again� (do not try this at home)� Hey! That reminds of a riddle I learned in the Navy... �What�s the difference between a bitch and a whore?� �A whore is, of course, a woman that will have sex with anyone. A bitch, on the other hand, is someone that will have sex with anyone but YOU!� (it was a lot funnier around the poker table)� Ever want to have sex with someone who talked about looking for it just to see if they were as good at it as they made themselves out to be? I think I would� that way, if they weren�t �all that,� I�d feel pretty smug about it. But, what if they were? If we could do it again, that�s one thing� but if we couldn�t I don�t think I�d like that very much at all� - 2001-12-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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