ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Horses and Carts After 2 days I can hardly be considered an expert on this online dating stuff, but (being the clever guy that I like to think that I am) I think I know why it feels so strange... it's backwards. I'm not entirely sure what could be done to "fix" it, and so that's probably the way that it is the way that it is... backwards. In a digital universe of "profiles" (I really don't like that word in this context... but I digress), the would-be partners are supposed to create... something... (can't call it chemistry)... let's go with... interest... from the answers to a few basic questions, followed by (if you're deemed worthy enough by the other keyboard) a few e-mails. I will say this... much like the legendary "spaghetti dinners" I've described in entries, although you might not find the "right" person quickly this way, you can sure eliminate a LOT of "matches" with a few e-mails... writing style, grammar, spelling... wow... there should be an online dating aptitude test or something... and some sort of flag for "functionally illiterate" (I'm all into choices... and there's someone for everyone -- or so they say... but dang... okay, okay... I'm digressing again). My first problem with the process is that, although I can "intellectually" appreciate the slow, deliberate process of exchanging e-mails and having the convenience in choosing a time to reply (and opportunity for introspection), in trying to establish a connection from nothing, you are essentially forced to fill in some details (so much of communication is in the non-verbal cues that accompany the words themselves -- voice tone and inflection, body language, eye movements, etc.). Doing this for friends/family is one thing, but doing it for someone you've never met (or even talked to) is hard. And, when your brand of humor is as dry as mine can sometimes be, you have to make sure that the "literal" words don't get you into trouble. But... my biggest problem is that... after all of that... after you think you've established a "connection" with someone (dare I say are "emotionally invested" -- even if only to a very (VERY) small degree), you are confronted with the face-to-face chemistry test. I will admit that I am someone who believes in the need for "chemistry," even though it is something that I can't readily define. Physical qualities are a part, but only a part -- and arguably a small one at that (In the words of one of my favorite authors "anyone you love is beautiful -- even if you didn't notice it at first."). I've been attracted to women of all sizes/shapes/colors... I think, for me, the quality I equate to "chemistry" is a strong sense of self that made me want to know more about them. And... my problem is that I (and they) don't get to determine if there is "chemistry" until after the time, effort, and energy of establishing the "digital" connection. - 2006-01-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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