ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Men and Women as Friends (an almost random thought for today)
which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't much care where-" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. "-so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough." Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Lewis Carroll Although it is one of the funniest scenes of all time (and a great source of some lively discussions with your opposite-sex friends), I disagree with Billy Crystal's character in "When Harry Met Sally" when he tells Meg Ryan's character, Sally, that "Men and women can't be friends." His premise is that, although men and women can start out as friends, the fact that one of them is male and the other is female will always lead one or the other of them to do something to screw it up... with the most obvious misstep being sleeping with one another... but that the flip side... not sleeping together when one of them wants to is just as bad. I mean, as a guy, I think he has some good points... If you're really that close as friends, then you're essentially guaranteed to want to be closer... and that means sex (we're funny that way)... but once you've had sex with someone, you're not just friends anymore... your relationship with them might be better.... might be worse... but it absolutely, positively is not the same as it was. On the other hand, if you try to have sex, but get turned down, then the relationships has changed... and, says Billy, if you don't try (but you really want to) it changes just as much. My own experience with this topic has been that, if the guy (and for some reason it has to be the guy, because there seems to be some sort of natural law double-standard here) gets his mind right about the limits of the relationship before the friendship "develops," then everything will generally be okay... and that, I think, is why I have been able to maintain "friendships" with woman who I would otherwise be completely interested it... off limits... As frustrating as that can sometimes be (I mean, Billy does have some good points), having close opposite-sex friends can be very rewarding... because (in my opinion) men and woman really do see, experience, and process the world around them differently (not better or worse, just differently), being close to someone who can help provide insight you wouldn't otherwise have is an awesome experience... there are times when you need to talk to "man" friends, and times when you need to talk to "woman" friends. ... and so it's nice to have both. - 2006-01-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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