ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A/S/L (sort of) It's odd how the silliest things can sometimes trip you up. I mean, things you think you know about yourself but which have to be examined every so often... in this case because I may have to try and explain it to someone. A/S/L, of course is the ubiquitous chat-room shorthand for age/sex/location... but since I'm thinking in terms of my online dating effort (and since my male, seeking female status may safely be assumed), I'm going to take sufficient literary license to make it A/C/L for age/children/location. I will turn 44 at the end of the month (thank you very much). If someone were to ask me, in abstract, what age woman I thought I'd be interested in dating I say someone within about 5 years of my age (by which I, of course, mean my age or 5 years younger). There is no real reason for that range, and it is much more accurate to think of it terms of a "guideline" rather than a rule (one of my wives was a few weeks younger than me, and the other was a couple of years older than me), but age seems to be an important criteria in the online world. I'm not sure what the advice to women is, nor am I sure if the range would vary if my age were different, but most of the sites I "Googled" suggested that I look in the range of 10 years younger than me to 5 years older than me. And, in theory I'd be okay with that.... if. The principal reason the lower end of the age range is an issue with me is because I'd like to have some assurance that whoever I end up trying to get to know has lived enough life to cause her emotional clock to more-or-less line up with her biological one. I will admit that the upper end of the range has (in small part) some aesthetics issues at play... not that I'm hung up on looks... but I'd be lying if I said they didn't matter... but I also don't want what has happened to my mom to happen to me. My mom was in her 40s when she married my step-dad (who was in his 50s). The age difference was a non-factor for them then... and has remained a non-factor for the 20+ years that they've been married... until now. My mom is in her 60s now and my step dad is in his 70s. She is still very active, and still wants to go, do, see. He is... old. He is a wonderful man who has been great to the entire family. And, there is no doubt that he has earned the right to settle down (there are some minor health issues involved)... but right now, today it's like they are from different generations... For me, the age issue is actually (as it turns out) really a children issue. Do I want children? How do I feel about adoption (I've been asked)? How do I feel about step-children? Hmmm... fair questions all... and I'm not entirely sure. I have raised 3 step-children and, although I appreciate that it is a significant responsibility that should never be underestimated or taken lightly, I am not intimidated by it� the reality is that many women in the age range I am speaking of have children at home (my own son is 14, and until this school year, was living with me)... our children are a part of who we are� so� it's not that I'm scared me off by it, it's that--having raised 5 children already--I wonder how I feel about starting over with infants and younger children... am I ready to take on raising a 2, 4, or 8 years old? If I end up with a woman in her early-mid 30s there is a very real chance that she will want to have children within a few years (even if she says she doesn't now -- I've seen what biology does to hormones -- and it just needs to be an assumed possibility). What about location? I've received e-mail from women who lived a considerable distance away (apparently their search criteria and mine don't have to line up in that particular item). Do I simply say "No thanks" and be done with it? If I were still in New York, I think I would have entertained the idea of relocating... but now I don't think I would... should I make it clear that their moving here is the only way I'd consider "dating" them online? I have no family ties to this area... so, if they have those kinds of ties, should I be willing to consider it? Hmmm... just.... hmmm.... - 2006-01-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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