ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tao of RIL The Tao of RIL There aren�t many things I know for sure, but one of them is that the reason most �old� sayings are old is because they�re true. These pearls of wisdom tend to find their way into the popular culture over and over in new, but recognizable, format every few years. Sort of like� if you�ll pardon the expression� the circle of life. I was listening to the radio on the way home from work tonight and I heard a song I hadn�t heard in awhile, it�s �That�s The Way It Is,� by JoDee Messina. The refrain that caught my attention was:
completely, hopelessly fallen in love He's just what you're looking for, the only problem is that the man's not sure Another guy will give you everything, the only problem is you don't feel a thing. In other words (in fact they�re Heidegger�s): �We pursue that which retreats from us.� Yeah, okay� but why? Ah� the eternal mystery� I don�t suppose that I have any deeper insight than anyone else into this most peculiar of human traits, but I do happen to have some recent first hand experience. A close (female) friend of mine that I had written about some time ago, whom I hadn�t heard from in a long time has reappeared in my life. A couple of years ago, and over the course of a year or two, I was as close to her as I was to anyone else� but we were simply friends� and I never thought too much changing that arrangement (but mostly because I didn�t want to go through the unbearable embarrassment of not being taken seriously)�. and a funny thing happened� about the time I decided that was satisfied by the idea of having her as a very special friend in my life, she began to express interest� and then surprised me with the events described in my previous entry. Not being one who enjoys having his nose rubbed in his mistakes, I decided to let it go� the whole thing� to walk away with at least some of my dignity intact�. and now� after almost six months I get a surprise phone call, a very sweet card, and maybe the best birthday present I�ve ever had (which may, in itself, be worth a separate entry). So what am I supposed to do? I�ve never been deeply emotionally attached to this woman, but she�s the only one I�ve met in more than a decade that I think I could be� if I could get past the paralyzing fear that I was setting myself up for the grand-daddy of all heartbreaks� She�s smart, she�s funny, she�s sensitive, she�s got that unique combination of warmth, compassion, initiative, intellect, and industry that I call �the perfect woman.� She isn�t perfect of course.. not really even close� but I know that� I know her and I like her anyway� how many perople can we really say that about? But every instinct I have tells me that as soon as I express any interest whatsoever that her interest will fade� and I (like Charlie Brown laying on his back after trying with all his heart to kick the football) will be left wondering what the heck just happened� I won�t willingly put myself through it� but I am tempted� you know, just in case� - 2002-02-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||